I am very well aware of the fact that I haven't posted in quite some time. A couple of months to be exact. I wonder if I have any of my old readers...
Anyway, I haven't got much to say and right now, I don't particularly care who is (or isn't) reading this. I just want to vent.
Have you ever felt that it's just to much? You're expected to meet everyones' expectations. Do great in school, have an outstanding golf career, be mature, be responsible, do every little thing that everyone tells you and don't make any arguments against their will. I haven't been a kid in a very long time and I so wish I wouldn't have missed out on the childhood experience. Though... I am, to some degree, still a child. Or perhaps a kid would be a better term?
I am experiencing an extreme lack of motivation to do anything. School, golf, writing, and drawing; they are all suffering because I can't get my act together. The fact of the matter is that life doesn't slow down to accomadate you (or me). It keeps on moving despite all the hardships. Various times I have deemed myself a complete and utter failure. Whether this statement is truthful or not is yet to be determined. I'm burned out... I just can't do it anymore. Seriously, physically, I'm drained. I can barely stay awake at any particular time of the day and emotionally, let's not even go there. I can't just stop going to school though, I can't stop practicing my golf... I just can't stop doing what I do because I'm not entitled to the luxury.
I'm worried. I'm only a sophomore in high school but college is coming up fast. What if I don't make it? What if I disappoint my parents? What if all the money they put into me was a waste? I can't say I harbor any particular feelings for my parents. They are acceptable but flawed as all people are... as I am. I need an enzyme to stimulate a reaction in my life. I'm stuck in one point... one dimension and I'm not moving forward. Everything is going in slow motion. Let me hit the fast forward button so I don't have to feel like this anymore.
~Epoch [z]
p.s. Happy Holidays
9 comments:
First off, thanks for your great supportive comments on my blog...always appreciated since I don't have to tell you it's not easy to keep a blog going! Anyway, I'm impressed with your writing & your honesty. Your the same age as my son, but you don't make me think so much about him as you do ME at the same age...hang in there, know that you'll have your ups & downs, and I swear it gets easier!
-jill smolinski-
Well, your welcome then. It's always nice to read your blog. I hope you don't have to worry so much about your son. I'm sorry. I'm sure it will get easier... I wish it would just go faster though.
~Epoch [z]
It is just a phase, not a pleasant one but not the end of the world. Take it a day at a time and let some of the long term ambitions and self imposed goals off your shoulders(I am not talking cancelling them just putting them temporarily on hold). Easier said than done but you are young and you got plenty of time for worries in the future trust me:)
Being a child is a priority and you only get one shot at it so you might as well re-evaluate your priorities, needs and musts. Life is not just that and I am sure you are smart enough to find a better balance about the 'musts' and 'likes' of your life.
Don't strain yourself more than you need to, regardless of external influences that may exert some pressure.
Good to hear from you and looking forward to your next post!
Take care girl!
-deadpoolite-
Ah... I'm trying to find that balance. It's difficult right now though. I'm trying though, no doubt about. Thank you for the advice, I'll keep it in mind. Winter break is next week, the perfect time to hang loose and take it easy [hopefully].
~Epoch [z]
Don't worry about this stuff. While it is a genuine and real worry, trust that you are going to be fine, because you will be.
This is the hard part of being in high school that nobody gives you a heads up about. But like others have said before me, it does get easier.
High School can seem like forever. It seems like the time just drips slowly by. But it will be over before you know it. I promise. And that feeling you will have at graduation when they call your name and hand you your diploma makes all of this stuff totally worth it.
And like you said you are only a sophomore. You will figure this stuff out. It is okay to feel unmotivated sometimes. It happens to all of us.
You will survive this.
Hi Epoch [z]….
I will chime in with the rest here and say that although things can seem unredeemable they are not…When you have greater life experiences you realize that these times come and go, they ebb and flow, this is natural, and normal…Then when you look back often what seems to have been the most tragic of events are the things that helped you grow the most…
You have to be doing something right you got a comment from Jill Smolinski on your blog! (Jill never comments on my blogs, so you are special!)
Happy New Years!
And don’t worry… you are normal in how you feel, things will get better….
hannah- Oh and I can't wait for that day. Graduation seems so far away right now... thanks for the encouragement. It makes me feels loads better.
livingsword- Haha you've made me laugh. I'll keep this in mind when I'm starting to feel down and such. Now I do feel special seeing as to how you've got such a great blog and all.
~Epoch [z]
LOL LOL
Hey Jill is a tough one she doesn’t even write many comments on her own blog!!!! LOL
Although I did manage to lure her out once by developing a scandal on her blog about Medicare….LOL
I’ve been hoping for quite awhile to get her autograph on one my articles….but alas you have acquired it!!!
Epoch [z] its great to hear you laugh…take care :)
…by the way I treasure YOUR comments on my blog…and even here on yours….
livingsword- A scandal about Medicare. My, that does sound interesting. I do like to read your blog, although I want to finish Graffiti I have troubled opening the browser on my computer. I may have to bribe my brother into letting me use his comp. Lol oh the money wasted on marshmallows.
Perhaps she does it just to spite you know. Mmmm yes, just for a laugh or two... or three :)
~Epoch [z]
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