I am very well aware of the fact that I haven't posted in quite some time. A couple of months to be exact. I wonder if I have any of my old readers...
Anyway, I haven't got much to say and right now, I don't particularly care who is (or isn't) reading this. I just want to vent.
Have you ever felt that it's just to much? You're expected to meet everyones' expectations. Do great in school, have an outstanding golf career, be mature, be responsible, do every little thing that everyone tells you and don't make any arguments against their will. I haven't been a kid in a very long time and I so wish I wouldn't have missed out on the childhood experience. Though... I am, to some degree, still a child. Or perhaps a kid would be a better term?
I am experiencing an extreme lack of motivation to do anything. School, golf, writing, and drawing; they are all suffering because I can't get my act together. The fact of the matter is that life doesn't slow down to accomadate you (or me). It keeps on moving despite all the hardships. Various times I have deemed myself a complete and utter failure. Whether this statement is truthful or not is yet to be determined. I'm burned out... I just can't do it anymore. Seriously, physically, I'm drained. I can barely stay awake at any particular time of the day and emotionally, let's not even go there. I can't just stop going to school though, I can't stop practicing my golf... I just can't stop doing what I do because I'm not entitled to the luxury.
I'm worried. I'm only a sophomore in high school but college is coming up fast. What if I don't make it? What if I disappoint my parents? What if all the money they put into me was a waste? I can't say I harbor any particular feelings for my parents. They are acceptable but flawed as all people are... as I am. I need an enzyme to stimulate a reaction in my life. I'm stuck in one point... one dimension and I'm not moving forward. Everything is going in slow motion. Let me hit the fast forward button so I don't have to feel like this anymore.
~Epoch [z]
p.s. Happy Holidays
